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My songwriting is an emotional deep dive into moments. My point of view in songs is as a commiserator, not a storyteller. I wanted to explore what it would feel like to moment you found out the love of your life walked out on you. iPhone recording
I don't resolve things in my songwriting and kind of wallow in the moment. I'm curious how that comes off in this song. Is there an expectation the situation will come to a resolution? How does the lack of resolution impact liking the song?
Any constructive criticism welcome.
Thank you for the feedback! I definitely embrace different and tend to not pay attention to conventions on structure. It was recorded on an iPhone as an idea. I’m working with my band on a full version which should clear up the production issue. Thanks about the resolution comment as well. As I mentioned in the about section, I didn’t want to tell a story, but wanted to focus on the feeling in the moment. It sounds like that perspective isn’t going to work. I like to really explore emotional content in my writing without focusing on providing a resolution. I have two psychology degrees and see the song as an opportunity for someone to connect emotionally with a similar feeling. It’s more of a picture than a story. I purposefully stay away from resolutions, because I only want to describe the situation. Being left hanging in this instance is to let the listener explore what they will or would do themselves. The song ends with the subject coming to grips it’s over which is the starting point to recover. Thanks again!!!! I appreciate your feedback.
April 21, 2018
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I like that some people could relate to the broken hearted aspect of the song. I guess I am thinking why would you want to be with a girl who cheats on you anyways. I guess I would rather you said that she passed away, and no prayers would bring her back. You have a nice feel to the song. Good Job!
April 22, 2018
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Lost it all today
I don't give a damn what you say
You can't bring it back
It's all gone away
So, take these things
I just don't care
Her love is gone
and I don't know where
She found another man
It's too much for me to bear
Afraid to think how this came to be
Was it something I did?
Or maybe because I'm me?
So, take these things
I just don't care
Her love is gone
and I don't know where
She's with another man
It's too much for me to bear
Fell to pieces today
Without her love I've lost my way
She ain't coming back
No matter how much I pray
So, take these things
I just don't care
Her love is gone
and I don't know where
She found another man
It's too much for me to bear
0
This song is structured a little differently than what I’m used to. Seems you repeated the verses not the chorus. Just an observation, not a criticism. I think the main thing for me is that lyrics get sticky a bit and don’t flow in certain parts. The melody matches the mood of the lyrics and what is happening. Also, the guitar overpowered the vocal significantly, I’m glad yo posted the lyrics or I’d have no idea what the words were. I think some resolution at the end would be good like asking her to be different for the next guy or saying you aren’t going to let this stop you from loving someone else, or self-affirmation that someone is going to appreciate what you have to offer. At least something to indicate that your story will continue and you will learn something from it, maybe. Keep playing around with it.
April 21, 2018
0
Thank you for the feedback! I definitely embrace different and tend to not pay attention to conventions on structure. It was recorded on an iPhone as an idea. I’m working with my band on a full version which should clear up the production issue. Thanks about the resolution comment as well. As I mentioned in the about section, I didn’t want to tell a story, but wanted to focus on the feeling in the moment. It sounds like that perspective isn’t going to work. I like to really explore emotional content in my writing without focusing on providing a resolution. I have two psychology degrees and see the song as an opportunity for someone to connect emotionally with a similar feeling. It’s more of a picture than a story. I purposefully stay away from resolutions, because I only want to describe the situation. Being left hanging in this instance is to let the listener explore what they will or would do themselves. The song ends with the subject coming to grips it’s over which is the starting point to recover. Thanks again!!!! I appreciate your feedback.
April 21, 2018
0
I like that some people could relate to the broken hearted aspect of the song. I guess I am thinking why would you want to be with a girl who cheats on you anyways. I guess I would rather you said that she passed away, and no prayers would bring her back. You have a nice feel to the song. Good Job!
April 22, 2018
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Haydee Ahrens
This song is structured a little differently than what I’m used to. Seems you repeated the verses not the chorus. Just an observation, not a criticism. I think the main thing for me is that lyrics get sticky a bit and don’t flow in certain parts. The melody matches the mood of the lyrics and what is happening. Also, the guitar overpowered the vocal significantly, I’m glad yo posted the lyrics or I’d have no idea what the words were. I think some resolution at the end would be good like asking her to be different for the next guy or saying you aren’t going to let this stop you from loving someone else, or self-affirmation that someone is going to appreciate what you have to offer. At least something to indicate that your story will continue and you will learn something from it, maybe. Keep playing around with it.
April 21, 2018
No members have liked this comment.