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A song about seeing an old flame after a long time has passed and falling in love all over again.
Any feedback or constructive criticism welcome.
Thanks for the feedback. I’ll have to noodle on that some, great feedback. I wrote it on an acoustic and I think it comes off better that way.
March 28, 2018
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Just like that ,she's here again
A picture from long ago
without the scars to show
for the time that's passed
These eyes I've never seen with before
In my mind I see
this little girl looking at me
I'm unaware of the time that's passed
So long, yesterday
So long, yesterday
Just my school boy reaction to this real world situation
So long, yesterday
Who's this girl standing near the door?
With the lips I've kissed
and the soul I miss
but no idea I've got her on my mind
Despite the things that time may have done
Some moments never pass
and though they go so fast
it's not enough to take you from my mind
So long, yesterday
So long, yesterday
Just my school boy reaction to this real world situation
So long, yesterday
And you're haunting me today
Out of sight, not mind
I don't know what to say
And the words....
they seem to orbit in my mind...
I'll speak them with my eyes
and hope you read between the lines
So long, yesterday
So long, yesterday
Just my school boy reaction to this fucked up situation
So long, yesterday
So long, yesterday
So long, yesterday
Just my school boy reaction to this real world situation
So long, yesterday
0
Hi Rodney - there is a good tension in this piece, but you never resolve it. I wonder if it wouldn’t make sense to resolve this tension in a chorus which really sticks out. I think you could use your current chorus - or part of it - as a pre-chorus, but after that I’m expecting a kind of break-out. Take care!
March 27, 2018
0
Thanks for the feedback. I’ll have to noodle on that some, great feedback. I wrote it on an acoustic and I think it comes off better that way.
March 28, 2018
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Frank Renfordt
Hi Rodney - there is a good tension in this piece, but you never resolve it. I wonder if it wouldn’t make sense to resolve this tension in a chorus which really sticks out. I think you could use your current chorus - or part of it - as a pre-chorus, but after that I’m expecting a kind of break-out. Take care!
March 27, 2018
No members have liked this comment.