Breaking up is hard to do. This is my "give mē another chance" song... It didn't work.
I've changed the chorus a bit. The "What do I have to prove? For mē I never wanna go through loosing you" lyric is now "I'm gonna do right by you. Letting go of all the reckless things I used to do." I think it kēeps with the thēme better. What do you think? Anything else I've missed?
You really have a great sense for melody. I Look forward to hearing more of your material. The chorus on this really soars.
My only critique (and this is something I hear a lot at critiques that I attend) is to look for more interesting rhymes. Rhymes like “day” and “say”, “you” and “do”, or “you” and “through” are fairly common and overused. That’s not to diminish you song. But it could be even better with some more creative rhymes.
Good song.
August 23, 2013
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Totally agree with you Dick. Haha, sometimes I feel I’m writing nursery rhymes. Thanks for the feedback! I’ll keep that in mind going forward.
August 23, 2013
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Hi Kevin, I agree with you on the new lyric, and I like the song, unfortunately I didn’t hear it all as the track just stopped and I couldn’t get it going.
August 29, 2013
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I’m happy to see Caryn hooked you up with an invite! Welcome to Frettie! I like the chorus change. I think it makes it less predictable and as you said much more in sync with the theme. Nice job! I look forward to seeing what others say about it.
August 23, 2013
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You really have a great sense for melody. I Look forward to hearing more of your material. The chorus on this really soars.
My only critique (and this is something I hear a lot at critiques that I attend) is to look for more interesting rhymes. Rhymes like “day” and “say”, “you” and “do”, or “you” and “through” are fairly common and overused. That’s not to diminish you song. But it could be even better with some more creative rhymes.
Good song.
August 23, 2013
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Totally agree with you Dick. Haha, sometimes I feel I’m writing nursery rhymes. Thanks for the feedback! I’ll keep that in mind going forward.
August 23, 2013
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Hi Kevin, I agree with you on the new lyric, and I like the song, unfortunately I didn’t hear it all as the track just stopped and I couldn’t get it going.
August 29, 2013
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Dennis Field
I’m happy to see Caryn hooked you up with an invite! Welcome to Frettie! I like the chorus change. I think it makes it less predictable and as you said much more in sync with the theme. Nice job! I look forward to seeing what others say about it.
August 23, 2013
No members have liked this comment.