So I originally wrote a sappy love song for Valentines Day (but it was way too corny). So I joined a small church group, and was asked to share my story. So I am in song. I will be performing this on Sunday at the church group. Any advice, feedback, or recommendations. Anyway, this is kind of a love story (just different). Happy Valentine's Day!
What would you change?
The story is a little hard to follow without reading the words. But this would be powerful in person for sure. Thanks for having the courage to share your story and faith with the world! You’ve got enough material here for several songs! Nice job
February 14, 2018
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Agnostic at 21, Family atheists except Grandma. At 12 was hurt by dad's friend. But with first love, I knew God existed. So gave Christ a chance.
Grandma took me to her church
Did not fit in, but I read the word
Soon I met my sweet husband
Who I prayed before to be a Christian. So gave Christ my Life
Chorus: God had showed up, showed he cares for me. Changed my heart with love. Taught me how to love other people. That's the power of Jesus.
Have 2 beautiful children, 1 has seizures than I post partum. Questioned if God really cares. Overwhelming love is what he shared. So Gave Christ my trust.
Chorus: God had showed up, showed he loves me, changes my heart with his love. Showed me how to trust all my fears to him. That's the power of Jesus
Bridge:
Recently, my dad passed away. I miss him so much and love him everyday. I called my dad's friend who had hurt me. Said "I forgive you" and I was free.
Chorus: God had showed up. So many times, showed me how to trust, forgive. Love my enemies, those who hurt me. That's the power of Jesus.
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Hi, Ani! Thanks for sharing your song (and testimony) with us. I hope I can bring some value to it.
You know, it’s so deeply personal and specific, I can’t really look at it as a song that could be recorded by an outside artist. Just doesn’t seem to be built at all for that. So let’s just look at it “as is.”
In the 1st verse, the timeline jumps around and is a bit confusing. First you’re 21, then you’re “hurt” at 12, then you mention 1st love… so I’m assuming you’re older by then. The time-jumping is jarring and confusing. I really had to look at the lyric to untangle it in my mind. Unfortunately, the average listener isn’t going to have the lyric in front of them or the time to process it.
So I’d try to simplify the timeline… something like:
I grew up in a family of mostly athiests
At 12, I was abused by my father’s friend
Agnostic at 21 (rhyme with chance)
But grandma begged me to give Christ a chance
Then bounce into the next verse.
That should help clear that up for the listener. Again, thanks for sharing your testimony with us and your church- I hope God uses it in a powerful way!
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
February 14, 2018
0
The story is a little hard to follow without reading the words. But this would be powerful in person for sure. Thanks for having the courage to share your story and faith with the world! You’ve got enough material here for several songs! Nice job
February 14, 2018
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Hi, Ani! Thanks for sharing your song (and testimony) with us. I hope I can bring some value to it.
You know, it’s so deeply personal and specific, I can’t really look at it as a song that could be recorded by an outside artist. Just doesn’t seem to be built at all for that. So let’s just look at it “as is.”
In the 1st verse, the timeline jumps around and is a bit confusing. First you’re 21, then you’re “hurt” at 12, then you mention 1st love… so I’m assuming you’re older by then. The time-jumping is jarring and confusing. I really had to look at the lyric to untangle it in my mind. Unfortunately, the average listener isn’t going to have the lyric in front of them or the time to process it.
So I’d try to simplify the timeline… something like:
I grew up in a family of mostly athiests
At 12, I was abused by my father’s friend
Agnostic at 21 (rhyme with chance)
But grandma begged me to give Christ a chance
Then bounce into the next verse.
That should help clear that up for the listener. Again, thanks for sharing your testimony with us and your church- I hope God uses it in a powerful way!
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
February 14, 2018
No members have liked this comment.