Just another title driven song from my voluminous hook book, this time about a woman who came and left the singer's life very quickly, but affected him deeply.
General reactions
One line in particular-I won't give it away- has caused some change suggestions. Still sticking with it for now,
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WHIRLWIND
So suddenly she came into my life
Turned my world around in the blink of an eye
Our passion moved so fast it skipped a gear
And when the dust had settled, she had disappeared
Like a WHIRLWIND, she didn’t stay for long
I turned my head, and quickly she was gone
While she was here, she made my heart spin
But you can never trust a WHIRLWIND
She had raven hair and eyes that sparkled blue
And ruby lips that made me come unglued
There were storm cloud warnings I could not forsee
And all my dreams were left flapping in the breeze
CH
We went round and around and around
Pretty soon I couldn’t tell up from down
CH
Copyright Ric Kirk 615-612-4578
rkirk76@yahoo.com
0
Hey, Richard! Thanks for sharing your song. I like that it has some tempo. You do a good job of melodically highlighting the hook- I know on the 1st listen exactly what the title is. Well done.
I’ll take two stabs at the line that’s generated suggestions. “Stripped a gear” because it’s mixing your metaphors. Or “You can never trust a whirlwind.” This one bumps for me because it writes a big check- one that I’m not sure your verses can cash. In other words, I’m not sure you explain enough elsewhere in the song to support that big of a statement. All you say is there were warnings and your dreams were left flapping in the breeze.
What happened?
Did she cheat? Did she up and leave town? Did she suddenly just dump you? Why can’t you trust a whirlwind?
This is really painting her (in a vague way) to be a villain. Might be more commercial to paint it as a whirlwind romance that just ran its course- and there are no villains. So you can look back on it fondly.
Just my $0.02. Oh, and I’d try not to use words like “foresee.” It’s not very conversational for country. You want to use words that are more commonly spoken by the… common speaker.
Hope that helps!
October 14, 2017
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Brent Baxter
Hey, Richard! Thanks for sharing your song. I like that it has some tempo. You do a good job of melodically highlighting the hook- I know on the 1st listen exactly what the title is. Well done.
I’ll take two stabs at the line that’s generated suggestions. “Stripped a gear” because it’s mixing your metaphors. Or “You can never trust a whirlwind.” This one bumps for me because it writes a big check- one that I’m not sure your verses can cash. In other words, I’m not sure you explain enough elsewhere in the song to support that big of a statement. All you say is there were warnings and your dreams were left flapping in the breeze.
What happened?
Did she cheat? Did she up and leave town? Did she suddenly just dump you? Why can’t you trust a whirlwind?
This is really painting her (in a vague way) to be a villain. Might be more commercial to paint it as a whirlwind romance that just ran its course- and there are no villains. So you can look back on it fondly.
Just my $0.02. Oh, and I’d try not to use words like “foresee.” It’s not very conversational for country. You want to use words that are more commonly spoken by the… common speaker.
Hope that helps!
October 14, 2017
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