Song about unwillingly falling for your best friend.
Anything and everything is appreciated.
One thing I am wondering about is the tempo, I feel like it drags a bit, but I wanted other people's opinion on that.
Hey, Katie! Thanks for sharing your song. I like the idea of the song, and I like the title.
What if you start off verse 1 with “I’ve got a problem, one with deep blue eyes…” and describe what sounds like a handsome boy and NOT a problem. Then in the chorus you must explain WHY this is a problem. Explain that he’s a friend, maybe dating your friend. That way you CAN’T do anything about your feelings. Then in the next verse, you can talk about another aspect of the problem- maybe how when he and your friend have a fight, she comes to you for advice or comfort and how you’re conflicted about that. I don’t know.
Basically, I’d like more clarity. Without your not-in-the-song intro, I wouldn’t know why this nice boy is a problem. Is it just the friend thing or something else?
But it’s a real, relatable idea, so I’d keep after it. Keep writing!
I hope this helps. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Thanks!
July 27, 2017
No members have liked this comment.
Thank you Phillip and Brent for the feedback!
Both of you mentioned some good ideas that I will think about as I am editing/rewriting this song.
July 29, 2017
No members have liked this comment.
You must be signed in to post feedback.
VERSE
I've got a problem
I never wanted to have
I've got a problem
About the way he makes me laugh
Yeah I've got a problem
CHORUS
Oh I think I"m falling for him
And I'm terrified
So I push my feelings deep down inside
Cause I've been down this road before
And it never ends up well
Getting too close will only
Lead to crashing and burning
And being put through hell
Oh I've got a problem
VERSE
I've got a problem
I shouldn't think like this
I've got a problem
Cause I shouldn't wanna kiss his lips
Shouldn't stare
When he's with another girl, I shouldn't care
CHORUS
VERSE
I've got a problem
Cause I know how this ends
With crashing and burning
And losing a friend
Yeah I've got a problem
CHORUS
OUTRO
I've got a problem
Oh
I've got a problem
0
Hey Katie, sounds like you wrote this from personal experience and a lot of feeling, which is a good thing. I think you have the basic bones of a good song here, but think it needs some tweaking.
I feel what you mean about it dragging a little. I think it’s due to a couple of reasons. You can cut the intro in half… it takes too long to get to the first verse. Also, you don’t keep the same meter between verses. V1 is basically 4 lines while V2 is 6 lines.
Just a thought, but what if you made V3 a pre-chorus and sang it something like this:
I’ve got a problem, I never wanted to have
I’ve got a problem, the way he makes me laugh
I’ve got a problem, cause I know how this ends
With crashing and burning and losing a friend
I think I’ve fallen for him, I’m terrified
I push my feelings down, deep inside
I’ve been down this road before, it never ends well
Getting too close will only put me through hell
I’ve got a problem
Hope this helps,
Phillip
July 25, 2017
0
Hey, Katie! Thanks for sharing your song. I like the idea of the song, and I like the title.
What if you start off verse 1 with “I’ve got a problem, one with deep blue eyes…” and describe what sounds like a handsome boy and NOT a problem. Then in the chorus you must explain WHY this is a problem. Explain that he’s a friend, maybe dating your friend. That way you CAN’T do anything about your feelings. Then in the next verse, you can talk about another aspect of the problem- maybe how when he and your friend have a fight, she comes to you for advice or comfort and how you’re conflicted about that. I don’t know.
Basically, I’d like more clarity. Without your not-in-the-song intro, I wouldn’t know why this nice boy is a problem. Is it just the friend thing or something else?
But it’s a real, relatable idea, so I’d keep after it. Keep writing!
I hope this helps. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Thanks!
July 27, 2017
0
Thank you Phillip and Brent for the feedback!
Both of you mentioned some good ideas that I will think about as I am editing/rewriting this song.
July 29, 2017
Do you want to have this song reviewed by an industry professional or a hit songwriter? Click on any of the professionals below to purchase your review.
Brent Baxter:
Pro Songwriter
$25.00/Song
Sam & Becca Mizell:
Hit Songwriters
$50.00/Song
Tell your peers about professional song reviews on Songwriting Pro.
×
Phillip Lemmonds
Hey Katie, sounds like you wrote this from personal experience and a lot of feeling, which is a good thing. I think you have the basic bones of a good song here, but think it needs some tweaking.
I feel what you mean about it dragging a little. I think it’s due to a couple of reasons. You can cut the intro in half… it takes too long to get to the first verse. Also, you don’t keep the same meter between verses. V1 is basically 4 lines while V2 is 6 lines.
Just a thought, but what if you made V3 a pre-chorus and sang it something like this:
I’ve got a problem, I never wanted to have
I’ve got a problem, the way he makes me laugh
I’ve got a problem, cause I know how this ends
With crashing and burning and losing a friend
I think I’ve fallen for him, I’m terrified
I push my feelings down, deep inside
I’ve been down this road before, it never ends well
Getting too close will only put me through hell
I’ve got a problem
Hope this helps,
Phillip
July 25, 2017
No members have liked this comment.