While stopped at a red light I noticed this couple on the corner and thought to myself
"how can we let this happen to our vets".........
Anything to improve my writing..
Hey, Keith- thanks for sharing! You do a good job describing the vet- especially the fatigues “pinned up around his knees.”
Personally, it’s a little preachy for me. Now, I don’t have a problem with your point. I’d rather be moved in the heart, but this hits me over the head.
I think what makes the difference for me is that while you describe the vet from the outside, I don’t get much a sense of WHO HE IS ON THE INSIDE. Therefore I still feel distanced from him. So it’s more of an intellectual “yes, let’s take care of our vets” than an emotional “oh, poor Private Billy Watson.”
I do enjoy your passion in the writing and performance. I can tell it means something to you, and that’s good.
Please pay it forward by leaving a review on another writer’s song. Thanks!
July 13, 2017
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He sit's there in his wheelchair
A blank stare on his face
Like an image right off the internet
Old worn out fatigues
Pinned up around his knees
Flyin' a sign that reads homeless , U.S. Vet
The woman by his side
looks like she might be his wife
tryin to protect him from the cold
Dodging traffic in the rain
beggin dollar bills and change
by the look of things
she's their only hope
Chorus
The street ain't no place for a hero
We know it ain't right
That the land of the free and brave
Can turn it's back and look away
From so many who gave flesh and blood and bone
Just to call a cardboard box their home
No the street ain't no place for a hero
A picture in the paper
Of a Viet Nam marine
A purple heart hangs from the pocket of his coat
In the glow of a trash can fire
He looks old and weak and tired
Even on the page his broken spirit shows
Chorus: Repeat
Bridge:
No welcome home parades
No special day to celebrate
Everyday it's battle to survive
Repeat Chorus:
Copyright (c) 2014 by Keith Vincent
0
Keith… I was just going to peruse the songs today and I have already reviewed your blues production… but, you are one of the best lyricist I have run across in some time. Now the song itself is great and I wish you could of had some great singer performing this… a Bob Seeger voice comes to mind.
By the lyrics are just ‘out of sight’!!!! Absolutely powerful and the listener becomes part of your observation with your words.
I could see a good country artist really pop this one big. Could be done by a male of female, but not nice… it needs a real dirty in your face performance. Oh, my mouth is watering!
You are a great talent.
July 12, 2017
0
Hey, Keith- thanks for sharing! You do a good job describing the vet- especially the fatigues “pinned up around his knees.”
Personally, it’s a little preachy for me. Now, I don’t have a problem with your point. I’d rather be moved in the heart, but this hits me over the head.
I think what makes the difference for me is that while you describe the vet from the outside, I don’t get much a sense of WHO HE IS ON THE INSIDE. Therefore I still feel distanced from him. So it’s more of an intellectual “yes, let’s take care of our vets” than an emotional “oh, poor Private Billy Watson.”
I do enjoy your passion in the writing and performance. I can tell it means something to you, and that’s good.
Please pay it forward by leaving a review on another writer’s song. Thanks!
July 13, 2017
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Robert Lloyd
Keith… I was just going to peruse the songs today and I have already reviewed your blues production… but, you are one of the best lyricist I have run across in some time. Now the song itself is great and I wish you could of had some great singer performing this… a Bob Seeger voice comes to mind.
By the lyrics are just ‘out of sight’!!!! Absolutely powerful and the listener becomes part of your observation with your words.
I could see a good country artist really pop this one big. Could be done by a male of female, but not nice… it needs a real dirty in your face performance. Oh, my mouth is watering!
You are a great talent.
July 12, 2017
No members have liked this comment.