A story about my friend, Charlie, who always had a glass (or a bottle) of Champagne in his hand. In fact, it got out of hand.
I look forward to all serious feedback.
i hear Louisiana in this song man it moves
a little harmonica would set it off. Brent is right I can see one of those tourist letting there hair down on bourbon with this one.
June 13, 2017
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You’re right, Brent. I gotta change “Smokin Jo” to “Smokin MaryJo” or something similar. And I like your suggestion to combine the 2 verses into one.
AND ... Corey ... yes. Must get a harmonica into this thing!
June 13, 2017
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Not clear what’s happening here, why they are “speed demons,” and am confused by some of the lines. Sounds good, a little bit of Beatles, but I can’t follow the story.
June 15, 2017
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CHAMPAGNE CHARLIE © Runk 2007
Contact Bob Runk 203-228-1580
rrunk@optonline.net
Champagne Charlie, Smoking Jo
Two speed demons all covered in snow
The sun went down but they don’t care
The soft wind blowing in their long blond hair
Things were fine, but they lost track of time,
And they spilled all their wine
Nothing mattered, they were feeling cool
Lots of money, they broke all the rules
They faced the tiger and the tiger got burned
So much success at nearly every turn
Things were alright, until they lost the light,
And they could no longer see
Hey what happened they were going strong!
Two speed demons they could do no wrong
They won’t recover, it will take too long
Champagne Charlie, Smokin Jo
He liked the bubbles, and … she liked the smoke
They loved the money; they would never end up broke
He played the guitar in an awesome country band
She played women’s volleyball in the San Diego sand
Things were great; they soon met heads-of-state, but they ignored all the signs
Hey what happened they were going strong
Two speed demons they could do no wrong
They won’t recover, it will take too long
Champagne Charlie, Smokin Jo
Things were fine, but they lost track of time,
And they spilled all their wine
[SOLO ending with “things were fine, but they lost track of time, and they spilled all their wine”]
The NYT said she saw someone on the side
When Charlie read the news he took a champagne ride
He passed the radar, going 101
A tragic set of circumstances, he just came undone
She began to cry, she could not testify,
Her show was cancelled live
Hey what happened they were going strong!
Two speed demons they could do no wrong
They won’t recover, it will take too long
Champagne Charlie, Smokin Jo
Champagne Charlie, Smokin Jo
Champagne Charlie, Smokin Jo
Champagne Charlie, Smokin Jo
0
Hey, Bob! Thanks for sharing your song. Dig the piano and the general feel of the song. You listed it as country but it feels more like classic rock/barroom.
Fun story. I was confused by “Jo” being a woman. Especially with “Smoking Jo” it sounds like a man. A listener will hear it as “Joe” and be confused when you refer to “her.”
I think you could cut verse 2. It felt like it took too long to get to what happened to them. Or maybe combine elements from both verses to make a stronger verse that moves the story along faster.
I hope this helps. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Thanks!
June 13, 2017
0
i hear Louisiana in this song man it moves
a little harmonica would set it off. Brent is right I can see one of those tourist letting there hair down on bourbon with this one.
June 13, 2017
0
You’re right, Brent. I gotta change “Smokin Jo” to “Smokin MaryJo” or something similar. And I like your suggestion to combine the 2 verses into one.
AND ... Corey ... yes. Must get a harmonica into this thing!
June 13, 2017
0
Not clear what’s happening here, why they are “speed demons,” and am confused by some of the lines. Sounds good, a little bit of Beatles, but I can’t follow the story.
June 15, 2017
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Brent Baxter
Hey, Bob! Thanks for sharing your song. Dig the piano and the general feel of the song. You listed it as country but it feels more like classic rock/barroom.
Fun story. I was confused by “Jo” being a woman. Especially with “Smoking Jo” it sounds like a man. A listener will hear it as “Joe” and be confused when you refer to “her.”
I think you could cut verse 2. It felt like it took too long to get to what happened to them. Or maybe combine elements from both verses to make a stronger verse that moves the story along faster.
I hope this helps. Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Thanks!
June 13, 2017
No members have liked this comment.