This is one I wrote awhile ago but just realized I never shared with the Frettie Community. Inspired by a random thought I had about doing something bad or unhealthy (don't recall what anymore) when I told myself "I'd get back to quitting tomorrow".
Any and all thoughts are appreciated. I'm working on getting my songs organized into "keep" and "move on" piles and trying to find out which ones resonate with people the most.
Thanks Brent! I appreciate you taking a listen and your feedback.
I feel the same way about this song. It’s received pretty positive reviews from others I’ve shared it with and I too feel like it’s a solid song, just not an amazing song. I had thought about making it a duet with the second verse from the girl’s perspective (same words just change a few pronouns) and I thought that might bring something a little different to it - but my co-writers weren’t too fond of that idea.
Either way, I think I’ll leave it in the “keep” pile and try to write an even better song next time.
Thanks again for listening!
May 09, 2017
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hey sean,
the second part of V1 reminds me of something i used to say which is ‘i only smoke when i drink and now i drink all of the time.’
overall i think this is very solid song. it feels more like rock to me.
i would only suggest to re-think the bridge because it seems too obvious to me based on what i heard in the Vs and Cs. maybe this is where the surprise brent was talking about could come in?
just some thoughts.
brian
May 17, 2017
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Thanks for listening, Brian! You’re probably right about the bridge and that’s certainly something I’ll consider. I had a couple co-writers on this one and it’s probably pretty set in stone (at least for now) but who knows, I may come back and try to work in a few changes down the road. There will always be another song, right?!
May 18, 2017
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I only call you at
2 am
Like I, I only smoke with a
Drink in my hand
I’ve quit these cigarettes
At least a thousand times
But here I am again
Looking for a light
Wondering what you’re doing tonight.
CHORUS:
One more call leads to your drive
One more, this is the last time
One more kiss leads to another
One more shot we’re under the covers
You won’t tell your friends and I won’t tell mine
I’ll get back to quitting you, after tonight
You know you shouldn’t but
You let me in
I guess I’m not the only one
Who just can’t quit
I feel your lips, I need
That old familiar touch
But between you and me
One is too much
A thousand more is never enough
CHORUS
BRIDGE:
I’m gonna get back on track
Leave the past in the past
Somehow I’ll find the strength
To let this habit break
Before
CHORUS
0
Hey, Sean! I like the title, even before listening. I like that the tempo moves.
After hearing it, though, I kinda feel like you should call it “Quitting You” or “After Tonight.” I like the thought of the song. Sure, that thought has been written about a lot, but it’ll be a hit again. The trick is to bring something new to it. And I’m just not sure there’s enough “new” to this execution.
That’s really what I’m missing. The song is good. It’s solid. Not much I can really point to and say is “wrong.” So that’s good. 1+1=2. However, there’s something missing that’ll make it 1+1=3, which is what you really need.
Maybe you’re missing the small details which makes it seem so real and believable (and less cliche). Maybe it’s the melody that needs more surprises. Not sure.
You have a solid song. Now go find some magic. (Easy for ME to say, right?)
I hope that helps. Pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Thanks!
May 08, 2017
0
Thanks Brent! I appreciate you taking a listen and your feedback.
I feel the same way about this song. It’s received pretty positive reviews from others I’ve shared it with and I too feel like it’s a solid song, just not an amazing song. I had thought about making it a duet with the second verse from the girl’s perspective (same words just change a few pronouns) and I thought that might bring something a little different to it - but my co-writers weren’t too fond of that idea.
Either way, I think I’ll leave it in the “keep” pile and try to write an even better song next time.
Thanks again for listening!
May 09, 2017
0
hey sean,
the second part of V1 reminds me of something i used to say which is ‘i only smoke when i drink and now i drink all of the time.’
overall i think this is very solid song. it feels more like rock to me.
i would only suggest to re-think the bridge because it seems too obvious to me based on what i heard in the Vs and Cs. maybe this is where the surprise brent was talking about could come in?
just some thoughts.
brian
May 17, 2017
0
Thanks for listening, Brian! You’re probably right about the bridge and that’s certainly something I’ll consider. I had a couple co-writers on this one and it’s probably pretty set in stone (at least for now) but who knows, I may come back and try to work in a few changes down the road. There will always be another song, right?!
May 18, 2017
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Brent Baxter
Hey, Sean! I like the title, even before listening. I like that the tempo moves.
After hearing it, though, I kinda feel like you should call it “Quitting You” or “After Tonight.” I like the thought of the song. Sure, that thought has been written about a lot, but it’ll be a hit again. The trick is to bring something new to it. And I’m just not sure there’s enough “new” to this execution.
That’s really what I’m missing. The song is good. It’s solid. Not much I can really point to and say is “wrong.” So that’s good. 1+1=2. However, there’s something missing that’ll make it 1+1=3, which is what you really need.
Maybe you’re missing the small details which makes it seem so real and believable (and less cliche). Maybe it’s the melody that needs more surprises. Not sure.
You have a solid song. Now go find some magic. (Easy for ME to say, right?)
I hope that helps. Pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Thanks!
May 08, 2017
No members have liked this comment.