Paul Tarvydas gave feedback on Hella Good Time

Pick a POV (point of view) and stick to it.  There are only four POV’s, first person direct, first person narrative, second person narrative, third person narrative. The first line says “... when I saw that girl ...”.  That’s first person narrative.  The song sticks to that... Read More

Paul Tarvydas gave feedback on It's Not Like You

“Your eyes aren’t bright no more” This isn’t normal English.  You’re reaching for a rhyme.  Go to http://www.b-rhymes.com and find something better.

Paul Tarvydas gave feedback on I Don't Run Around

Amp her voice up.  Put a touch more compression and reverb on it.  She’s nailing it, bring it forward. “I must have been a fool” is past tense.  The rest is present tense.  Change this line to “I must be a fool” or, better (chopped) “... Read More

Paul Tarvydas gave feedback on Learning to Live

This is good. The first thing that comes to mind is the production.  It just doesn’t cut it.  Listen to a Willie Nelson song and compare it to this.  Willie’s voice jumps out more, above the guitar. Lyrically, I feel that POV (point of view)... Read More

Paul Tarvydas gave feedback on I Remember Us

Nice job rhyming a whole phrase “that’s the way I remember us”.