I live on a Lake in NY and I thought of a clever hook for people who are stuck in dead end jobs. "I know that life won't give me a break, but it can give me a lake."
Tell me if it is good, bad, needs changes, etc. I want feedback to make all of my songs the best that they can be.
Allan,
Thank you for your thoughts about the song. Songs, just like books and movies tell a story through time. There are many songs that travel through time in past, present and future time. To tell the story and the progression of how the singer got from one place in life and time I chose to have each verse/chorus to be in the present time.
January 29, 2025
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Give Me A Lake
The sun’s so hot, the sweat’s dripping off a me,
And through the office window, I see my boss sippin’ coffee
Gotta get away, to a place where my time is free
I need a couple of days, a place where I’m happy
Give me a lake
Mornin’ fishin’, afternoon kissin’, my Baby til the sun goes down
Gimme a lake
Both of us wishin’ that Monday were missin’, work and in our love we’ll drown
I know that life won’t give me a break, but it can give me a lake.
Another crazy day, this job sure is killin’ me
But it feels like I’m trapped, unless I win the lottery
There’s gotta be a way, a new life to set us free
A place where there’s no stress, the way that it should be
Give me a lake
Mornin’ fishin’, afternoon kissin’, my Baby til the sun goes down
Gimme a lake
Both of us wishin’ that Monday we’re missin’, work and in our love we’ll drown
It seems that life won’t give me a break, but it can give me a lake.
One day we just up and did it
Quit our jobs and said “the Hell with it”
Then we bought ourselves a Fishing boat
Money’s enough to keep us afloat
We watch the sunset every night
It’s our new life’s favorite sight
Cuz we moved to a lake
Everyday fishin’, afternoon kissin’, my Baby til the sun goes down
We moved to a lake
Both of us knowin’ that Monday we’re not goin’, to work and in our love we’ll drown
I know that life gave me a break, now that I live on a lake.
We made up for our life’s mistakes, now that we live on a lake.
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Hey Peter,
Just a few observations. I’m no expert so take them with a grain of salt. First, the chorus is great. Great lyrics and melody. I wouldn’t change a thing. Now, the beginning of the first verse makes it seem like you are outside sweating in the heat looking in the window at your boss drinking coffee. Reading the rest of the verse I understand where you are coming from. Second verse is solid and shows your work frustration continuing. I have a problem with the bridge because it shows that you already solved the problems that you have expressed so well in the verses. So if it was me, I would change the verses to express your life before your life changed for the better OR change the bridge to reflect what changes you are wishing for. Anyway, just my two cents.
January 29, 2025
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Allan,
Thank you for your thoughts about the song. Songs, just like books and movies tell a story through time. There are many songs that travel through time in past, present and future time. To tell the story and the progression of how the singer got from one place in life and time I chose to have each verse/chorus to be in the present time.
January 29, 2025
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Allan Rosensweig
Hey Peter,
Just a few observations. I’m no expert so take them with a grain of salt. First, the chorus is great. Great lyrics and melody. I wouldn’t change a thing. Now, the beginning of the first verse makes it seem like you are outside sweating in the heat looking in the window at your boss drinking coffee. Reading the rest of the verse I understand where you are coming from. Second verse is solid and shows your work frustration continuing. I have a problem with the bridge because it shows that you already solved the problems that you have expressed so well in the verses. So if it was me, I would change the verses to express your life before your life changed for the better OR change the bridge to reflect what changes you are wishing for. Anyway, just my two cents.
January 29, 2025
No members have liked this comment.