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Written with hit songwriter Jason Duke ("Dibs" by Kelsea Ballerini) and Randy Morrison.
Post-breakup story.
Pitchable?
Really nice job. Loved listening. Nice sounding demo. Good lyrics. I’m sitting here trying to find some holes to poke at with the lyrics, and I don’t really see anything that jumps. I’m really liking the originality of that “splitting up our friends” line. That’s good stuff. Thanks for sharing!
January 24, 2020
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Well, I just now read in your note that you had the opportunity to write this song with a hit writer, so I feel kind of unworthy offering the feedback I posted. Lol.
Pitchable? Yes, it’s definitely pitchable. Not sure who would be an artist that matches up with this song the best, but it’s a good song.
January 24, 2020
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Hey Bill, I love the overall feel of your song, and the catchy chorus with the fresh, descriptive lyrics about something we’ve all gone through at one time or another..
What I find myself wishing for is something..anything..about what went wrong. You don’t fall in love and then the whole thing just falls over dead in its tracks for no reason at all, you know?
Maybe you could dicker with it a little bit just to see what happens, because if it were already cut in stone, you probably wouldn’t be open to suggestions. Here is what I would suggest:
Remove that second verse because it doesn’t really add much. Move your third verse up into it’s place.
In the place of your third verse, maybe you could give us come contrast. We already know how love starts. so show us how the hurt begins. with “Hurt starts”...Then you have four lines to describe something that started the downfall..something like: Breakin’ dates to be with fiends…My calls that you weren’t answerin’. etc etc…
Then the other thing is the bridge where it says"I never thought that love would ever take US”, when nowhere does it say that she is going through the same thing you are. In your chorus, it’s only you that are going home alone etc etc..I would think that it should be ” I never thought that love would ever take me”, then you’d also have to change the first line of the bridge to rhyme..
Just my thoughts, Bill, hit-writers or not. Trash ‘em if you find yourself inclined to do so!
Sincerely, Linne Black
January 25, 2020
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How It Ends (R. Morrison, J. Duke, B. O’Hanlon)
Love starts
With a brush of two hands in a bar
Then a long slow dance in the dark
Two hearts that think they see a spark
Love starts
With a “Did I wake you up?”
Hope this don’t make you run
I’ve been thinking ‘bout you and me and us
How does it go from that
Chorus
To a Friday night going home alone
To a constantly checking your phone
To taillights that you wished you chased
To a goodbye that you just can’t shake
To a street that you can’t go down now
To splitting up your friends, your town
I don’t know why love ever begins
If this is how it ends
Love starts
All fireworks at first
Never think you’re gonna get hurt
Keep finding ways to make it work
Yeah, we made it work Until it turned
Repeat Chorus
I really believed that we were gonna make it
I never thought that love would ever take us
To a Friday night going home alone
To a constantly checking my phone
To taillights that I damn near chased
To a goodbye that I just can’t shake
To a street that I can’t go down now
To splitting up our friends, this town
I don’t know why love ever begins
If this is how it ends
Contact: Bill O’Hanlon
BillOHanlonMusic@gmail.com
0
Nodding my head along to the beat, finding myself singing along - great juxtaposition of positive melodic vibes and sad lyrics. Love this song. “To constantly checking my phone” - such a relatable line!
January 22, 2020
0
Really nice job. Loved listening. Nice sounding demo. Good lyrics. I’m sitting here trying to find some holes to poke at with the lyrics, and I don’t really see anything that jumps. I’m really liking the originality of that “splitting up our friends” line. That’s good stuff. Thanks for sharing!
January 24, 2020
0
Well, I just now read in your note that you had the opportunity to write this song with a hit writer, so I feel kind of unworthy offering the feedback I posted. Lol.
Pitchable? Yes, it’s definitely pitchable. Not sure who would be an artist that matches up with this song the best, but it’s a good song.
January 24, 2020
0
Hey Bill, I love the overall feel of your song, and the catchy chorus with the fresh, descriptive lyrics about something we’ve all gone through at one time or another..
What I find myself wishing for is something..anything..about what went wrong. You don’t fall in love and then the whole thing just falls over dead in its tracks for no reason at all, you know?
Maybe you could dicker with it a little bit just to see what happens, because if it were already cut in stone, you probably wouldn’t be open to suggestions. Here is what I would suggest:
Remove that second verse because it doesn’t really add much. Move your third verse up into it’s place.
In the place of your third verse, maybe you could give us come contrast. We already know how love starts. so show us how the hurt begins. with “Hurt starts”...Then you have four lines to describe something that started the downfall..something like: Breakin’ dates to be with fiends…My calls that you weren’t answerin’. etc etc…
Then the other thing is the bridge where it says"I never thought that love would ever take US”, when nowhere does it say that she is going through the same thing you are. In your chorus, it’s only you that are going home alone etc etc..I would think that it should be ” I never thought that love would ever take me”, then you’d also have to change the first line of the bridge to rhyme..
Just my thoughts, Bill, hit-writers or not. Trash ‘em if you find yourself inclined to do so!
Sincerely, Linne Black
January 25, 2020
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Sharon Tedford
Nodding my head along to the beat, finding myself singing along - great juxtaposition of positive melodic vibes and sad lyrics. Love this song. “To constantly checking my phone” - such a relatable line!
January 22, 2020
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