Its about a guy being treated poorly by his other half. She's hot n cold etc.
He has had enough and wants out. Realises that he just needs him, his dog, boats and some beers, guitar and some solo camping time..
I have been told that the lyrics don't quite fit the music and are at times confusing.
Have been told the melody itself and the Rearview hook (could be another word or line) are all great..
So just looking for ways to totally re write this song leaving the melody and structure as is
Hey Dann,
Loved the feel of the beat and the overall tune. I get the confusion they are speaking of. The hook is there. Support in the Chorus goes from on your feet to in the seat. Maybe focus all lines to in the seat. Easy listen on the ears. I like that.
Good Luck!!!
June 13, 2019
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Hey, Danny! Thanks for sharing your work with us. I like the vibe of the song, but I’m really missing the rhymes in the 1st verse. I like the chorus, though the “running” and “40 yard dash” doesn’t fit with the car/rearview metaphor. I think it’d be stronger if you stay on theme. Hope that helps!
Keep CLIMBing!
June 21, 2019
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Thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate all of the feedback! I am looking forward to re working it with all of your advice! if anyone is interested In co writing it let me know
June 22, 2019
No members have liked this comment.
Daniel this song is so cool! I love the vibe and your lyrics are super creative. Everything flows with ease! Awesome song!
September 02, 2019
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Rearview
Daniel Mann -5/feb/19
Verse
Girl you me confused, your talking riddles like the joker
Babe I aint joking I aint satisfiesd with the way that you treat me all of the time
Looking fine aint worth a dime when your pulling my heart strings
You know how to reel me in then you catch and release
Chorus
This time im running away so fast
Ill beat a 4.3 in a 40 yard dash
Fire up my wheels
And I’ll see you
In my rearview
Verse
I was suspicious so I sent you some flowers
Anonomously
You made no mention you got something to hide
I aint hanging around this time
Ill take this fresh strip of asphalt under these damn tyres
No destination just what my heart desires
My dog, boat beers, old guitar and bonfires
Chorus
This time im running away so fast
Ill beat a 4.3 in a 40 yard dash
Fire up my wheels
And I’ll see you in my rearview
Bridge
Do the voodoo and the voodoos gonna catch up with you
Do the wrong and it will bite you in two
Im moving forwards but ill see you in my rear view
Chorus
This time im running away so fast
Ill beat a 4.3 in a 40 yard dash
Fire up my wheels
Next time I see you
Yeah you’ll be in my rearview
Im gonna get so far away
I wont even know all the games you play
Next time I see you
Yeah you’ll be in my rearview
Genre--/Country pop/
Mood -- /Happy/Free
Theme--/Freedom/Break up/Bad relationship
0
Hey Daniel, yes I can follow what whoever said about your song. Thy lyric is not very clear and maybe the sentiment doesn’t fit exactly. I also would recommend to shorten the second verse and get quicker to the chorus again.
I think the melody, production and the overall feel of the song, sounds very current and fits in todays Country charts. Maybe you can write about something more positive you see in you rearview.
June 11, 2019
0
Hey Dann,
Loved the feel of the beat and the overall tune. I get the confusion they are speaking of. The hook is there. Support in the Chorus goes from on your feet to in the seat. Maybe focus all lines to in the seat. Easy listen on the ears. I like that.
Good Luck!!!
June 13, 2019
0
Hey, Danny! Thanks for sharing your work with us. I like the vibe of the song, but I’m really missing the rhymes in the 1st verse. I like the chorus, though the “running” and “40 yard dash” doesn’t fit with the car/rearview metaphor. I think it’d be stronger if you stay on theme. Hope that helps!
Keep CLIMBing!
June 21, 2019
0
Thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate all of the feedback! I am looking forward to re working it with all of your advice! if anyone is interested In co writing it let me know
June 22, 2019
0
Daniel this song is so cool! I love the vibe and your lyrics are super creative. Everything flows with ease! Awesome song!
September 02, 2019
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Frank Renfordt
Hey Daniel, yes I can follow what whoever said about your song. Thy lyric is not very clear and maybe the sentiment doesn’t fit exactly. I also would recommend to shorten the second verse and get quicker to the chorus again.
I think the melody, production and the overall feel of the song, sounds very current and fits in todays Country charts. Maybe you can write about something more positive you see in you rearview.
June 11, 2019
No members have liked this comment.