I'm working on this song with friend and producer Ron Freeman. Since this (very rough) recording we have changed some lyrics to be more deliberate and edgy.
I picture very old school 60's background vocals and rock beat.
production suggestions.
lyric revisions
Sarah,
I like this. The piano contrasts your voice nicely. I have visuals of a piano bar. Like Dick said, the melody is really catchy. I too look forward to seeing the lyrics.
October 21, 2013
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Thanks guys! Below are the revised lyrics.
V1
I waited all week long for your call
I just don’t get how once again I am wrong
don’t prove me as the fool my mother was right
she said there’s no such thing as love at first sight
don’t make me put you on my list of lovers who aren’t worth shit
chorus:
I don’t want to write a song about you
I don’t want to have to live without you
I don’t want to have to work these feelings out, ooh
can’t we call it love and live forever
happily together ever after
I was thinkin I had finally found the one
oh this time around do do do do do doo doo do do
oh this time aorund
verse 2
Don’t want to play this game, don’t want to be sad
I can’t afford another man in my head
you had me wrapped around your finger so tight
what did I miss cause if I remember right
you told me secrets, you gave me regrets cause you’re a dick
chorus
Bridge:
I thought I had found my one and only
I don’t know how I ended up so lonely
I guess I’ll just try again
I guess I”ll just try again
I guess I’ll just try again
I guess I’ll just try again
Chorus:
October 21, 2013
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Okay - interesting. I felt that the first version expressed attitude, but kind of a softer attitude. The newer version takes it to a new level, but, to me. a level of bitterness versus just edginess. While I really like this song (either way), I prefer the softer attitude. I think it is actually stronger. Nevertheless - great song.
October 26, 2013
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It’s nice tune!
For whatever it’s worth I can hear a kind of Penny-Lane-ish steady thrum arrangement on this.
November 19, 2013
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0
First - let me compliment the melody - really catchy - especially the chorus. I like the lyric of the chorus a lot as well.
It would be easier to suggest lyric revisions if you could provide a copy of the lyric here. I would love to see the lyric because I think this is a really good song. It’s just difficult to get the entire picture when one is just listening.
October 20, 2013
0
Sarah,
I like this. The piano contrasts your voice nicely. I have visuals of a piano bar. Like Dick said, the melody is really catchy. I too look forward to seeing the lyrics.
October 21, 2013
0
Thanks guys! Below are the revised lyrics.
V1
I waited all week long for your call
I just don’t get how once again I am wrong
don’t prove me as the fool my mother was right
she said there’s no such thing as love at first sight
don’t make me put you on my list of lovers who aren’t worth shit
chorus:
I don’t want to write a song about you
I don’t want to have to live without you
I don’t want to have to work these feelings out, ooh
can’t we call it love and live forever
happily together ever after
I was thinkin I had finally found the one
oh this time around do do do do do doo doo do do
oh this time aorund
verse 2
Don’t want to play this game, don’t want to be sad
I can’t afford another man in my head
you had me wrapped around your finger so tight
what did I miss cause if I remember right
you told me secrets, you gave me regrets cause you’re a dick
chorus
Bridge:
I thought I had found my one and only
I don’t know how I ended up so lonely
I guess I’ll just try again
I guess I”ll just try again
I guess I’ll just try again
I guess I’ll just try again
Chorus:
October 21, 2013
0
Okay - interesting. I felt that the first version expressed attitude, but kind of a softer attitude. The newer version takes it to a new level, but, to me. a level of bitterness versus just edginess. While I really like this song (either way), I prefer the softer attitude. I think it is actually stronger. Nevertheless - great song.
October 26, 2013
0
It’s nice tune!
For whatever it’s worth I can hear a kind of Penny-Lane-ish steady thrum arrangement on this.
November 19, 2013
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Dick Plunk
First - let me compliment the melody - really catchy - especially the chorus. I like the lyric of the chorus a lot as well.
It would be easier to suggest lyric revisions if you could provide a copy of the lyric here. I would love to see the lyric because I think this is a really good song. It’s just difficult to get the entire picture when one is just listening.
October 20, 2013
No members have liked this comment.