Lee Myers

Hi David,

This song has a good theme: positive encouragement for a friend going through tough times. I think you have an opportunity to do something really cool with the song if you let the listener in on why you are singing to this person.

Doing so, in my opinion, will enhance audience identification with the singer.  A good example of a similar advice-giving song is Billy Joel’s “Tell Her About It.” The opening lines tell why right away:

    “Listen boy I don’t want to see you let a good thing slip away…”

Now the audience sees the singer in a good light, as a caring person, not just someone giving unsolicited advice.

Melody-wise, the hook contains one or two melodic motifs. And,that’s a good thing because it helps listeners remember your hook. Still, there’s room to experiment here with different rhythms and lyric phrasings for the title. 

Structure-wise, there is contrast in rhyme between the verses and your hook/chorus. That’s good because it keeps listener interest.

And, a few areas may need revising.

First, the type of rhymes used in the verses. You may want to stay away from perfect rhymes and phrases like inside/hide,etc that are predictable and that may not keep the audience engaged. Maybe try other types of rhyme for freshness.

Second, the rhyme scheme used in the verses. The pattern of rhyming every other line (ABAB) makes the verses feel predictable. You could try varying the end rhymes in the verses so that they are not (ABAB).

Finally, I love guitar solos. You have a fine solo here. But, it may not work in today’s song market where, in my opinion, listeners want the song to get to the chorus quick and often. Anything you can do to get to the chorus sooner can only help.

This song is coming along. Keep up the good work.