Demo of an original song.
Looking for feedback on the lyrics and some suggestions for the bridge. Thanks!
Thanks Dick, that’s exactly what I was looking for! Will take another try at the lyrics. - T
September 12, 2013
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Todd, thanks for sharing this. I look forward to seeing a revised version of this that answers the questions Why?, That was a good bit of feedback from Dick.
September 13, 2013
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Nice melody and feel to this song. But the whole song, I kept asking: “why?”. Your lyric says: “you’re too pretty, too innocent for me. You walk away.” But you gave us no key to the back story which would make you sing these words. I think it could be more interesting if you fleshed out the story a little to help the listener understand the angst of the singer. Keep working on it - loads of potential.
September 12, 2013
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Thanks Dick, that’s exactly what I was looking for! Will take another try at the lyrics. - T
September 12, 2013
0
Todd, thanks for sharing this. I look forward to seeing a revised version of this that answers the questions Why?, That was a good bit of feedback from Dick.
September 13, 2013
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Dick Plunk
Nice melody and feel to this song. But the whole song, I kept asking: “why?”. Your lyric says: “you’re too pretty, too innocent for me. You walk away.” But you gave us no key to the back story which would make you sing these words. I think it could be more interesting if you fleshed out the story a little to help the listener understand the angst of the singer. Keep working on it - loads of potential.
September 12, 2013
No members have liked this comment.