I wrote this song because I was listening to new country music, and while I respect it, all I was hearing sounded like rap, or electric guitars, or big trucks with even bigger tires, and so on. I was reminiscing about what I remembered listening to as a kid.
Singing, structure, lyrics, ect, any feedback is appreciated.
Thanks Tony. I really appreciate it very much ..The daddy giving hugs was a reference to the family sitting around in the old day’s before T.V.and little children running around and dad giving hugs before bed. Kind of like the Walton’s.. Awesome stuff
January 24, 2018
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Hi, Kevin!
Thanks for sharing this song with us. It’s pretty old-school country, which is fine. But it you’re aiming for current mainstream country cuts and hits, you need to update the sound. The odds of getting something this traditional is pretty slim. You need to give me something unexpected and fresh melodically. And it would be nice if your production added to the “new” feel, too. I know that might go against what your “about” is about, but that’s the current state of the industry.
I’m glad you have a midtempo thing going on here. In general, midtempo beats ballads for commercial appeal. I agree with Tony True- the chorus is pretty catchy. Kind of an Alan Jackson kinda vibe.
Lyrically, it feels like it’s at least a middle-aged man’s point of view. Phrases like “picture show” and sitting around the radio make it seem more like grandpa’s point of view than a young man’s. And there’s nothing wrong with that- unless you aim to get mainstream commercial country cuts. There just aren’t enough artists out there getting radio play that will sing from the point of view of a singer this age. Again, it doesn’t make the song any better or worse, but it does affect the odds of it getting recorded. Take that for what it’s worth.
Lyrically, it works. You have your main point, and you stick to it. That focus is good. I know what you’re talking about, and I don’t get lost. However, it’s all pretty standard language. “Haggard and Jones” - while they ARE legends, are pretty cliche legends to quote. That’s just one example, but there’s not much in there lyrically that is unexpected or surprising.
The one thing that really is surprising is that dad’s at work while mom and you are at church. Normally, it would be the whole family in church. I don’t know if I like that (personally, I’d uphold family-together-at-church as more of what country’s about than just mom-and-son. But it shows that dad’s a hard worker (which IS part of what country’s about) in a compact way, which is nice. Plus, it WAS unexpected and not the cliche thing. So I’ll give you credit for that. But overall, give the listener more fresh language and some fresh, unexpected imagery.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
February 05, 2018
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There's a full moon shining in the sky tonight
and the stars are all so big and bright
with you right beside me
everything feels right.
A little Haggard and Jones on the radio
stealing some kisses at the picture show
you cuddled up close hey baby there's no doubt
Yea that's what country's about)
It's the way that we walk It's the way that we talk
It's the way that we live and the way that we give
with pride and faith hey there's no doubt
yea that's what Country's about
Sunday morning and were off to Church
It's me and Mama while daddy works
Mama's up front
she's singing amazing grace.
Now later on around the radio
were singing along to every song we know
Daddys giving hugs and know one goes without
Cause that's what Country's about.
It's the way that we walk, It,s the way that we talk ,
It's the way that we live and the way that we give
With pride and faith hey there's no doubt( Yea that's what Country's about.
Saying grace and yes Ma'am there's prayers before bed
Kisses goodnight walking hand in hand ( OH YEA )
It's the way that we walk It's the way that we talk
It's the way that we live and the way that we give
With pride and faith hey there's no doubt
Yea that's what country's about HMMMMM Yeah tha'ts what country's about hmmmmmmmm YA"LL THAT'S WHAT COUNTRY"S ABOUT
0
Actually it wasn’t what I expected based on your “about” of the song. There are some really good things going on in here.
The chorus is pretty good…catchy and memorable it’s what you want.
I found your second verse written better than the first one. I found the first one a little predictable, the rhymes were a little over used.
In the second verse you tell a nice story and I can see you and mama at church etc…Until you get to the line “Daddy’s giving hugs and know one goes without”...it just didn’t seem to fit.
May I suggest something like trying out a tool called “Master Writer”. I have been using it for a few years and it’s really helped me getting to rhymes that I may not have thought of and away from the obvious ones I used to use so much. Look it up on the interweb. You have some great songs and ideas…let me know if you’d like to write some time.
Tony
January 24, 2018
0
Thanks Tony. I really appreciate it very much ..The daddy giving hugs was a reference to the family sitting around in the old day’s before T.V.and little children running around and dad giving hugs before bed. Kind of like the Walton’s.. Awesome stuff
January 24, 2018
0
Hi, Kevin!
Thanks for sharing this song with us. It’s pretty old-school country, which is fine. But it you’re aiming for current mainstream country cuts and hits, you need to update the sound. The odds of getting something this traditional is pretty slim. You need to give me something unexpected and fresh melodically. And it would be nice if your production added to the “new” feel, too. I know that might go against what your “about” is about, but that’s the current state of the industry.
I’m glad you have a midtempo thing going on here. In general, midtempo beats ballads for commercial appeal. I agree with Tony True- the chorus is pretty catchy. Kind of an Alan Jackson kinda vibe.
Lyrically, it feels like it’s at least a middle-aged man’s point of view. Phrases like “picture show” and sitting around the radio make it seem more like grandpa’s point of view than a young man’s. And there’s nothing wrong with that- unless you aim to get mainstream commercial country cuts. There just aren’t enough artists out there getting radio play that will sing from the point of view of a singer this age. Again, it doesn’t make the song any better or worse, but it does affect the odds of it getting recorded. Take that for what it’s worth.
Lyrically, it works. You have your main point, and you stick to it. That focus is good. I know what you’re talking about, and I don’t get lost. However, it’s all pretty standard language. “Haggard and Jones” - while they ARE legends, are pretty cliche legends to quote. That’s just one example, but there’s not much in there lyrically that is unexpected or surprising.
The one thing that really is surprising is that dad’s at work while mom and you are at church. Normally, it would be the whole family in church. I don’t know if I like that (personally, I’d uphold family-together-at-church as more of what country’s about than just mom-and-son. But it shows that dad’s a hard worker (which IS part of what country’s about) in a compact way, which is nice. Plus, it WAS unexpected and not the cliche thing. So I’ll give you credit for that. But overall, give the listener more fresh language and some fresh, unexpected imagery.
Hope that helps! Please take a moment to leave a comment on another writer’s song. It doesn’t have to be super-detailed or anything. Just a thought or two about the song. (Also, the best way to GET feedback is to GIVE feedback.) Thanks!
February 05, 2018
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Tony True
Actually it wasn’t what I expected based on your “about” of the song. There are some really good things going on in here.
The chorus is pretty good…catchy and memorable it’s what you want.
I found your second verse written better than the first one. I found the first one a little predictable, the rhymes were a little over used.
In the second verse you tell a nice story and I can see you and mama at church etc…Until you get to the line “Daddy’s giving hugs and know one goes without”...it just didn’t seem to fit.
May I suggest something like trying out a tool called “Master Writer”. I have been using it for a few years and it’s really helped me getting to rhymes that I may not have thought of and away from the obvious ones I used to use so much. Look it up on the interweb. You have some great songs and ideas…let me know if you’d like to write some time.
Tony
January 24, 2018
No members have liked this comment.