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This song is... about abusive relationships.
In terms of style, it's quite lush, heavily guitar-driven with plenty of texture, and rocks out through the second half.
I'd like any kind of feedback, frankly - this is the first track I've properly written, played and "edited" (haha, at home) from start to finish.
Cool sound! I like the melodies/guitar riffs a lot. I think the vocals are a little “thick”. Like maybe we don’t need backing vocals. or a softer vocal delivery would make a better emotional connection for me. Speak softly about a bad situation rather than screaming about it…
I guess I’d like more Nick Drake (or maybe even Adam Levine?) and less Pink Floyd on the vocals. Keep the Floyd sound on the rocking out.
Make more music and share it!
Cheers!
December 25, 2017
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Hey Jeremy! Just wanted to say this is an amazing song. Moving.
Very impressed.
Would love to collaborate sometime!
March 19, 2024
No members have liked this comment.
Hands off Liam! Jeremy is mine!
Hey Jezza, so keen to collab man. Are you looking for a drummer? I could totally picture rocking out to this banging track!!!
March 21, 2024
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Why don’t I leave?
Why didn’t I leave last time?
Why didn’t I scream?
Well I can't scream now.
I’ll pretend that I’m somewhere else.
I’ll pretend that I’m somewhere else.
I’ll pretend, but I’m fooling myself.
Slammed door. What-for? Questions, or... accusations?
All alone. Where’s my phone? You’ll never know what it is to be small.
And he
looked like a good man
Talked a good game
Swings like the axeman
Then reverts back to same
Might know he’s done wrong but swats it away
Fixes his tie, goes to work the next day
She’ll pretend that she’s somewhere else.
She’ll pretend that she’s someone else.
She’ll pretend, but she’s losing herself.
Behind white picket fences
You’re dead and alive
Love shouldn’t be something
You have to survive
0
Hi, Jeremy! Thanks for sharing your song with us. I’m not a rock expert, so take my comments with a grain of country salt.
Personally, I’m a fan of lyrical clarity. And I’m missing that here. If I didn’t know from your description that it’s about an abusive situation, it would take me well into the song to start figuring it out. In the meantime, I’m in my head and not emotionally engaged. That’s the biggest thing for me. Making the situation more clear for the listener much earlier in the song so they can engage more.
Hope that helps! Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Thanks!
December 07, 2017
0
Cool sound! I like the melodies/guitar riffs a lot. I think the vocals are a little “thick”. Like maybe we don’t need backing vocals. or a softer vocal delivery would make a better emotional connection for me. Speak softly about a bad situation rather than screaming about it…
I guess I’d like more Nick Drake (or maybe even Adam Levine?) and less Pink Floyd on the vocals. Keep the Floyd sound on the rocking out.
Make more music and share it!
Cheers!
December 25, 2017
0
Hey Jeremy! Just wanted to say this is an amazing song. Moving.
Very impressed.
Would love to collaborate sometime!
March 19, 2024
0
Hands off Liam! Jeremy is mine!
Hey Jezza, so keen to collab man. Are you looking for a drummer? I could totally picture rocking out to this banging track!!!
March 21, 2024
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Brent Baxter
Hi, Jeremy! Thanks for sharing your song with us. I’m not a rock expert, so take my comments with a grain of country salt.
Personally, I’m a fan of lyrical clarity. And I’m missing that here. If I didn’t know from your description that it’s about an abusive situation, it would take me well into the song to start figuring it out. In the meantime, I’m in my head and not emotionally engaged. That’s the biggest thing for me. Making the situation more clear for the listener much earlier in the song so they can engage more.
Hope that helps! Please pay it forward by leaving a comment on another writer’s song. Thanks!
December 07, 2017
No members have liked this comment.