A song about cutting your losses, and starting new.
I would like to know if this song is "pitchable" to a music publisher. I would also like to know if there are parts of it that stand out as needing more work.
I like the vibe of the song, but have to agree with a lot of what Sean said above. It’s kind of inferred in the song, but nowhere do you actually say why you want out of town. Don’t leave too much for the listener to figure out, or they’ll stop listening.
Also, I think the “Somewhere where” in the chorus is repetitive and should be changed.
Good luck and keep writing!
Phillip
April 29, 2017
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Definitely an Ed Sheeran groove goin’ on here with a good hook….enjoyed my listen but seems maybe there is a possibility to get a little deeper into the lyric. I’m still listening and yes that hook is definitely strong! good luck with it!
July 19, 2018
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Words and Music by Carmelo San Paolo and Eulis Kay
Verse 1:
I'm out on the road
Leavin' it all behind
Nothing but open skies and moonlight on my mind
I don't need a map
Cause I don't know where I'm goin
But I'll drive a hundred miles and hour
Till those city lights stop glowing
Chorus:
Take me away from all the noises
Take me away
Somewhere where I'll forget the voices
And all the debts I couldn't pay
Take me away...
Verse 2:
I'm through with trying'
I'm done with the rumors and the lies
I've been beaten down in this sell-out town
And I'm running' out of fight
Bridge:
Somewhere where I can breathe the air I need again
Somewhere where I can be the man I know I am
0
Hey Carmelo,
I like the feel of this song, the melody is good and the topic is something I can relate to. The lift in the chorus and the sustained note at the end of each phrase is cool and a good contrast to the verse.
Lyrically - I love the lines about not needing a map because you don’t know where you’re going! I also like the first two lines of the chorus. The next two lost me just a little - I’m not sure what the voices are or why you want to forget them? I almost think “Where I can’t hear the voices” might be better but it would still need a little clarification. The “debts I couldn’t pay” line lost me completely. I think a stronger line would be adding some detail about what the voices were saying (and why you want to forget them maybe).
The line in the second verse about “this sellout town” stands out as being problematic for “ptichability”. I’m assuming since you list the genre as country that you might be talking about Nashville? I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same way sometimes but it’s probably not a sentiment I would put in a song, especially if I wanted to pitch it to the publishers and artist that live and work here. Just a couple thoughts, take them for what they’re worth…
Overall, I think you’re on the right track. Keep it up!
(One last thought… While listening, I didn’t really here this as being a country song (maybe more indie folk/rock??) so maybe ignore what I said about the “sellout town” line…I don’t know).
April 27, 2017
0
I like the vibe of the song, but have to agree with a lot of what Sean said above. It’s kind of inferred in the song, but nowhere do you actually say why you want out of town. Don’t leave too much for the listener to figure out, or they’ll stop listening.
Also, I think the “Somewhere where” in the chorus is repetitive and should be changed.
Good luck and keep writing!
Phillip
April 29, 2017
0
Definitely an Ed Sheeran groove goin’ on here with a good hook….enjoyed my listen but seems maybe there is a possibility to get a little deeper into the lyric. I’m still listening and yes that hook is definitely strong! good luck with it!
July 19, 2018
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Sean Kasey
Hey Carmelo,
I like the feel of this song, the melody is good and the topic is something I can relate to. The lift in the chorus and the sustained note at the end of each phrase is cool and a good contrast to the verse.
Lyrically - I love the lines about not needing a map because you don’t know where you’re going! I also like the first two lines of the chorus. The next two lost me just a little - I’m not sure what the voices are or why you want to forget them? I almost think “Where I can’t hear the voices” might be better but it would still need a little clarification. The “debts I couldn’t pay” line lost me completely. I think a stronger line would be adding some detail about what the voices were saying (and why you want to forget them maybe).
The line in the second verse about “this sellout town” stands out as being problematic for “ptichability”. I’m assuming since you list the genre as country that you might be talking about Nashville? I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same way sometimes but it’s probably not a sentiment I would put in a song, especially if I wanted to pitch it to the publishers and artist that live and work here. Just a couple thoughts, take them for what they’re worth…
Overall, I think you’re on the right track. Keep it up!
(One last thought… While listening, I didn’t really here this as being a country song (maybe more indie folk/rock??) so maybe ignore what I said about the “sellout town” line…I don’t know).
April 27, 2017
No members have liked this comment.